This is story that I have told out loud a few times, only to family, mostly. Tonight, though I think it is time that I write it down. It's an important enough story to share it and even more importantly to not forget it. I lost my Grandma three years ago in February. We were always extremely close, even from that time I was a very little girl. We had so much in common. I resembled my Grandma B more than my own sister or either one of my parents. I was artistic like her, and just a little disorganized like her. I had thin, fine hair like her and loved being around kids and babies like her. Growing up, I loved to bake cookies with her. She would always let us lick the bowl and frost them, no matter how messy it was. We would make hollyhock dolls and cut out homemade drawn clothes for paper dolls. Things that adults don't always take time to do. She knew the importance of creating and imagination. Even when I was an adult with my own children, we would sit with Grandma at the picnic table in the warm summer afternoon and paint rocks that she had collected. They transformed into animals, food and flowers. It was amazing to see the delight on my children's faces, just the same way mine would light up for years when I was around her.
Needless to say, when she passed away, I had a very hard time accepting it. Weeks went by and I still could not speak about her without tears streaming down my face or my throat starting to close. I listened to others in my family share stories and talk about her amazing life, but for some reason, I could just not come to grips with the loss of her. I couldn't handle knowing that I couldn't call her on the phone, go over for dinner or sit beside her painting and talking about our day. I just couldn't make myself feel at peace or okay with her loss.
Finally, after a couple of months had passed, one night I had a dream. A very vivid dream. Quite often, I don't remember my dreams or they don't make any sense. Most times, I people's faces are blurry, or I wake before a dream even ends. However this particular night, I had a dream about my Grandma. We were at her house, at a family gathering. Everyone was eating lunch in the backyard on a warm summer day. Everyone was there and so happy. I saw my Grandma very clearly, her face, her smile and I could hear her voice. I wondered why no one else was so surprised to see her. She told me that I was the only one that could see her that day. She had come back just to see me. She explained that she had to tell me that she was okay. She was fine and so happy in heaven. She told me that I didn't need to be worried or be sad for her any more. "It's okay, now, Kimi, I am fine. You can let go," she told me.
I woke up shortly after that and could recall every second of that dream, or vision. From that moment forward, something changed. I felt differently. Somehow, Grandma or God or both, communicated to me that Grandma B was in heaven, now. She is okay, and I should be okay, too. It became clear to me, that Grandma would always be here with me, even if it was different than it was before. My mind and heart are at peace, and "it's okay, now."